What do I do if his family doesn’t like me? Will I ever be part of the family?
Sadly many of us allow some members of our family to dictate the terms of our relationship. And most times, its the mother in all her matriarchal glory that is the ring leader!!!
And Believe me, her “Two cents” can feel like a dollar when she’s done with that ass!!!
It is my belief that your relationship with your significant other should be just that YOUR RELATIONSHIP!! Not your mother’s not your brother’s your sister, or Aunt Jemama etc…
NOTE: You may have noticed that I neglected to mention the father in all this… well that’s because normally he’s just going along with whatever your mom says just so he won’t get caught up in the crossfire as well. GOD bless him!!!
Now of course initially it would be in your best interest to make every attempt at becoming part of the clan. In my humble opinion, nothing makes a family man say “I DO” faster than knowing that his significant other has been acknowledged an accepted as “one of us”. This however can change in a heartbeat if Mama doesn’t approve of some of the moves you guys make, so the best thing to do is to never give her an opportunity to give her two cents about what’s going on in your relationship.
Here are a few tips:
1. Avoid arguing with your significant other in front of family. Keep your issues in house.
2. Have each others back even if you don’t agree with a decision your significant other has made. Always appear to be a team united.
3. Avoid airing out your dirty laundry in front of others.
4. Its ok to get an outside opinion about your relationship at times,but that’s all it is… an opinion! Only you know what’s best for your relationship.
Now you can do all of those things and still come up short. Why you ask? Well its really quite simple… In the eyes of your dudes mama, YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER BABY!!!
You will never be able to take care for her son the way she could in her eyes. Nor will you ever ease her fears that you aren’t there to replace her so stop trying to convince her otherwise.
Now if you and yours don’t really give a damn what mama or anyone else has to say about your relationship then job well done. Just please make sure you are truly a united front with that mind set . But if you do care about her opinion of you, try with all your might to be as respectful, as caring, as likable as you possibly can be towards her and the rest of the family. Trust me when I tell you it really does go a long way in the eyes of your significant other. But please don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get them to fall in love with you, Save all that for your relationship!!! I’m just saying…
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Well said Mike. It would be a perfect world if the girl that a guy is dating is well accepted by the immediate family. A woman should not let her significant’s others family not liking her dictate her relationship because that is exactly what they want to happen. If you love one another then others opinion of you should not matter. It is when you start allowing other people to put their 2 and 3 cents into your relationship that problems will be imminent. While it is nice to be liked and accepted by his family, you can’t change the person that you are because after all being yourself is what “snagged” your significant other in the first place.
Like you said Mike, be respectful and don’t air out each other’s dirty laundry in public, stay true to one another, and the relationship can survive despite how his family feels.
Whoever wrote this, you know how to make a good artlice.
You hit every mark! Well written and damn smart! All women and men should read this column…it will change your life!
I absolutely agree. I am married to HIM not his mama and I’m independent enough to let her know that. Thankfully as you stated, we have a united front, so this hasn’t been an issue. He didn’t ask his mama’s permission to marry me, and his mama isn’t the one having his back everyday. So while I respect that she is his mother and always will be, I am his wife, the woman of his house and anything that goes on there, WE as a unit will resolve it.
Absolutely agree! But in all fairness, it’s best to try and get along with your in-laws! It does make for a stress free life! But trying to make decisions and run my household, is a No No! If it’s a continuous reoccurring issue then the significant other along with their mate should sit down with the mother and get some things straight. Especially if they are committed and serious about being together. Plus if there are kids in the mix, then they should see all their family getting along. OHH emotional piece, love it! Great solutions to the problem! Awesome! Thanks!
Well let me start by saying that you are so on point. So many times we make several mistakes in front of our partners family. It is very important to always have you partners back no matter what unless he is disrespecting his own mother then you might want to reevaluate the situation. Anyway, I love to hear a mans point of view on daily mistakes that women make. Lets just hope that they listen. Keep up the good work Mike, I hope to sit down with you and have a good conversation. I love talking and getting other peoples views on things that matter other that the latest fashion, cars, or any superficial thing.
Agree totally with the points listed above, there are alot of couples that deal with this issue! Great Article! Anxiously waiting on next issue!
This piece was cogent, well-wirtten, and pithy.
I must agree with your four points. Keep down the drama and comments and being all up in your business. But sometimes you may have to hear mama out. Sometimes she could be hipping you to problems that may occur down the line. Not every mama thinks her child is gold. Sometimes they tell the truth. But you quickly determine mama is messy…keep your distance!
I agree with the need to really appear as a united front. If outside parties sense that your partner and you are not on the same page, they will try to use it to their advantage. Unfortnately, there are some people in your family or your partner’s family that do not want to see you both together.